Patreon Round-Up: April 2022

So, HFE, what’s on your Patreon nowadays?

I’m glad you asked~!

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Wolfram Tungsten (Draft)

Fair warning: minor mention of suicide and self-harm. Major warning for death and mental health.

Wolfram Tungsten: a village in a land that’s cold enough to have icebergs amble along the coastlines regularly. The nights are long, and the days are short. Its people see twilight more often than daylight. There are ribbons of light that dance in the sky: auroras. The greatest of these is called Bliza’s Serpent, in honor of the Redanian goddess of cold magic. The continent it’s on was called Bronzewood until Tonitus’s brats, the Elves, conquered it and renamed it Claude-Anne Allen. Bliza has cursed the Redanian Elves to this day.

“If you want my lands so badly, keep them!” she said. “But you will never see your ancestral home ever again!”

And Tonitus let her do it.

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Sparking Attention

Want a game you can theoretically play in the Halls of Mandos: a place where you have no possessions at all? All you need is your soul, your stories, and names with meaning. It takes these bitches a billion years to decide to send anybody back to Middle-Earth, never mind the ones they decide, “No! You’re staying in there!” You need something to do in there, and I need money. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it allows people to actually pursue their passions, such as writing silly essays about Lord of the Rings, Pokémon, and other nerdy things.

Then head on over to Patreon! $5 to unlock this game. For the rest of you, beyond this point lies a discussion of death. And just to review, Námo / Mandos is the guy in charge of Ardan / Middle-Earth hell: The Halls of Mandos.

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Magna Mater

Magna Mater (Latin, Great Mother): the Redanian Goddess of Light and Motherhood. She’s a lioness with the shiniest mane you’ve ever seen! Her eyes are sunstones. She had to spend her last life fighting not only for her life, but also for her womanhood, and her right to be a mom.

She’s a mom now whether transmisogynoirists like it or not [1] [2]! This mom fights demons, devils, angels, gods, ghosts, and anything else it takes to get people out of whatever afterlife they’re trapped in.

“If that’s not where they want to go, they’re coming with me! ‘If the enemy leaves a door open, you must rush in.’ Sun Tzu, The Art of War. Christian God the Father’s angels may be afraid to tread, but my angels are confident and fearless!”

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Size Matters Quite a Lot

Norawarth: I think the real reason you do not respect King Thranduil and Prince Legolas is because both of them were simply handed their kingdom. Lady Galadriel, Lord Celeborn, and Lord Elrond worked for theirs.

Calemir: That’s right, they did!

Norawarth: And as everyone knows, the Woodland Realmers are less wise and more dangerous. You consider them a childish obsession. You even consider King Thranduil “a king of yokels“!

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