Explaining Who I Am to the Daily Show

rewatch every jordan klepper into the magaverse segment and then imagine these proudly outspoken christian god-fearing “not my body” americans are raising greta thunbourg. yeah, it’s fun to laugh at how stubbornly ignorant these metaphorical babies are, but they’re raising literal babies to be just as outspokenly toxic soldiers as them. or silent soldiers like me.

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Family Feud: House of Fëanor Edition

Naming your child(ren) is an important part of parenting, no matter matter if you live in a hellscape in which your name cannot easily be changed―and all parents / guardians need to decide on a single name for their child(ren). Or you live in a progressive-in-this-manner culture (because every culture has its problems) that understands that, generally speaking, there’s more than one parental figure involved in that child’s life; therefore, each of those parental figures is allowed to name that child.

While all signs point to Nerdanel being better at coming up with names, we need a definitive, not subjective at all, absolutely no biases here, competition between her and her balls-less bitch of husband: Fëanor, the man who made all of her babies swear an oath to get all three of his balls back. That’s right, everybody, this bratty little boy was blessed with more balls than most perisex men are, and yet he lost every single one of them. Wow!

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Wisdom from Raven

Fair warning, bad fictional parenting. It doesn’t get much worse than your father being an actual, literal demon trying to bring about the end of the world.

“When I use my powers, I have to put a little of my soul into whatever I’m moving. I become a part of it and it becomes a part of me.”

Raven, Teen Titans 2003.
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Magna Mater

Magna Mater (Latin, Great Mother): the Redanian Goddess of Light and Motherhood. She’s a lioness with the shiniest mane you’ve ever seen! Her eyes are sunstones. She had to spend her last life fighting not only for her life, but also for her womanhood, and her right to be a mom.

She’s a mom now whether transmisogynoirists like it or not [1] [2]! This mom fights demons, devils, angels, gods, ghosts, and anything else it takes to get people out of whatever afterlife they’re trapped in.

“If that’s not where they want to go, they’re coming with me! ‘If the enemy leaves a door open, you must rush in.’ Sun Tzu, The Art of War. Christian God the Father’s angels may be afraid to tread, but my angels are confident and fearless!”

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Reading Where Decay Sleeps Part 1

Many apologies to Anna Cheung, the author who worked very hard on these poems. I’m not a poet and I know it. I’m writing these thoughts as I go so I can process what I’m reading better. Hopefully, others will appreciate them too.

If anybody out there struggles with poetry, you’re not alone. There’s help out there for us. Somewhere. I’ll google it later!

What I’m reading today is the Pallor Mortis (Birth) section of Anna Cheung’s debut anthology of Chinese Gothic horror poetry, Where Decay Sleeps, published by Haunt Publishing. I got this book as part of a kickstarter reward, just so everybody’s clear. While I could write a separate essay based on how the sunk-cost fallacy might combine with this fool and my money are soon parted to form a tornado of “I’m loving this book uncritically, I don’t give a damn!” James Stephanie Sterling has a whole video on the topic you can watch instead. Besides, I’m a hype man, not a salesman.

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Forgotten History

Norawarth: Internet social etiquette is also rather complicated, if you think about it. You have to remind your people, who fought a war over fiefdoms’ rights to own slaves instead of abolishing it like their king commanded them to do, that slavery is evil?

Harnor: The internet’s not just America, but yes.

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Reasons Eru Sucks

Context for Middle Earth non-nerds, Eru Ilúvatar is basically the Elves’ Christian God the Father. He created their world, Arda, as well as the Elves and the Humans.

“So, HFE, why don’t you write an essay yelling at Christian God the Father?”

Well, first of all, that would involve cracking open a Bible, which I prefer to do as little as possible these days. Secondly, Eru’s basically the same guy, except he has a name to yell at. Thirdly, how many people are yelling at Eru Ilúvatar? That’s unique! Let’s yell at fictional gods instead! Except Bast. Of course, I love her! Wakandans worship her for being their mom, I worship her for being a cat! Cats are awesome! And cats do not appreciate being yelled at. And most importantly to me, cats are as sociable or as asociable as they please.

Fair warning, suicidal ideation, as well as other mental health issues, is mentioned in the context of one of the effects of solitary confinement.

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