Alternate Dooms for the House of Fëanor

Kenken: We’ve given the Ardan gods plenty of alternate dooms for Fëanor and his kin-slaying brats. They need to decide, first of all, which one(s) they want to go with.

Lucky and Lockdown: Harnor really should just make a list of them, so he doesn’t have to keep hunting them down over and over again.

Piko: Our guy’s no organizer, okay?

Námo: Clearly.

  1. Die back to life via Lucky and Lockdown’s Dragon Gun.
  2. As of this writing, there are two Pokémon in charge of time travel: Celebi and Dialga. Pokémon (in the world with people in it) backpacks can carry up to 99 of the same item, weightlessly. And still carry even more junk. Y’all may consider those Simarils a Key Item, but I don’t! The Simarils just show you whatever the fuck they want, the internet gives you exactly what you want. Or at least, exactly what you told it you wanted. I had to look up “werewolf symbolism” very carefully… All you did was make the “I’m feeling lucky” setting, idiot!
  3. Reading “Reasons Eru Sucks“, “Ardan Elven Marriages Are Garbage!“, “Ardan Elven Sensibilities“, and “Ardan Dwarven Sensibilities“, in that order, out loud, to Mandos.
  4. Being bitten and crunched by Mandos’ new Poochyena until it evolves into a Mightyena.
  5. Forgoing his old name and becoming a baby again! There’s a lot of power in a name here! The exact wording of the Doom of Mandos is “On the House of Fëanor the wrath of the Valar lieth from the West unto the uttermost East, and upon all that will follow them it shall be laid also.” So that means, all Fëanor has to do is say “I know my name as Vinice / Gwinig!” And he will no longer be Fëanor, nor will his family be the House of Fëanor; and thus, he and his sons will no longer be bound to that ghastly oath! Finwë needs to raise that baby right this time! Míriel‘s right next-door with Irmo, she’ll definitely want to help! Fëanor needs to go meet his mommy! I think we all know which of these punishments a proud man like him will consider the worst… Fëanor needs to relearn how to be a son and a brother again before he relearns how to be a husband and a father again!
  6. Nerdanel deciding not to take his work-prioritizing ass back after what he did to their babies!
  7. The foreknowledge that he, his sons, and all their deeds are all but unknown to my people.
  8. All of the above.

Shadow of Chaos: We trust the matter of their fate to the gods who have actual decision-making skills. Our guy’s a bit cat-terbrained at the moment. Besides, why would you put him in charge of anything? What authority does he have in this world?

Wolfgang: If anyone even dares say, “Common isn’t actually English, it’s just Westron rendered into English” or whatever overly complicated crap Tolkien made up for even that, fuck that bullshit! Common is English now!

Shadow of Chaos: There’s stories on AO3 that delve into this conundrum too by the way.

Wolfgang: We’re not!

Piko: Who wants to write an essay on whether or not Tolkien would’ve gotten published nowadays?

Pixxy: Not me! As our guy concurred with Evelyn Silver: his writing style’s boring! He drones on and on, he’s overly flowery, and he took forever to get anything done! And our guy’s turning out just like him! You know who built a world and actually has an exciting writing style (besides our guy’s personal writing friends)? Shannon Chakraborty, author of The Daevabad Trilogy! Imagine if an action movie was a fantasy novel? That’s what reading The City of Brass is like! Fuck Tolkien and Lord of the Rings! Read Chakraborty’s books instead! And if you truly do love Tolkien’s world and characters as much as our guy does, read fanfiction instead.

Acharor: from my goodreads review…

I believe I started and finished this in a weekend. The writing is so well-paced and exciting. Thrilling! Gives you just enough exposition to get into the world and the set up.

The plot gets going, quickly—and ends on a hell of a cliffhanger! This plot doesn’t stop! I already have the other two books in the series.

There’s one point where a Jewish character tells the protagonist something along the lines of: “My people have enough troubles without adding you to them”, and I thought that was funny.


“So, HFE, how do we give you some money for all this content you’re creating and sharing for free? We want you to make this a full-time gig rather than a passion project!”

I’m glad you asked!

If you can give me a one-time tip, you can head over to ko-fi.com/hfeproductions.

If you can commit to a monthly tip, you can set that up via twitch or patreon. Twitch also lets you set up alternate payment schedules: every three months and every six months.

One thought on “Alternate Dooms for the House of Fëanor

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s