A not-so-innocent sequel to Mahal and Eru for the Innocents.
Yavanna, broiling with anger, prowling in like a lioness about to kill her prey: I cannot believe this! Vána! Varda! Estë! Vairë! Nessa! We need a god-wife talk! Nienna! Get in here too, you’re going to love this!
{The goddesses gather for some gossip!}
Nessa: Oh, yes! What happened, honey?
Yavanna: My husband made a brand new people.
Estë: Ooh, that sounds exciting!
Yavanna: The problem is, when he finally brought them to me, none of them knew what a woman was!
The rest of the goddesses: What!?
{They start tittering like children, as they should. What a farce this was!}
Yavanna: They didn’t even know who I was!
{The rest of the goddesses gasp. The horror!}
Vairë: Good heavens! Those poor people!
Yavanna: I am his wife! Can you imagine if any of your husbands did this!? You’d send them to the Halls of Mandos!
Vairë: Except my husband. He’s already there. If he ever does this, I’ll send him to your place instead.
Yavanna: Good idea, he needs some sunshine! He’s always hanging with dead people! Ew! Now, my husband said he didn’t want to make any women because he didn’t want “people thinking he was cheating on me”.
{Nienna, the resident weeper of Arda, is laughing so hard, she’s in tears.}
Yavanna: I know, right?! I’ve got the boys learning how to make clothes. He didn’t even clothe them! He just brought their naked, furry little bodies to me! His women are going to be sorely disappointed once they start hewing those caves. Some craftsman he is!
Varda: Oh no…
Yavanna: He also neglected to teach them about the birds and the bees.
Nessa: Yavan-nin! You are the goddess of the birds and the bees!
Yavanna: Exactly! Well! Since he’s too embarrassed to teach that lesson, I’ll teach it for him―with actual birds and bees if I must!
Nienna: This is why I stayed single.
Yavanna: Good for you, sweetie! Sometimes, I wish I’d stayed single too! I do love him, but my god, that god didn’t think this through!
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