Ahoy, wordpress! ‘Tis I, Captain Ace of the Queer Catboy Pirates!
Sailing with me is me trusty crew: Vincent, Ro-Ro, Van Blossom, Ian, and Rick.
We heeded HFE’s call to assemble last year during art fight, we’ve also sailed over to toyhouse, and now we’ve sailed on here to HFEpro.com. For treasure! love! and catnip!
We arrived in time for International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia, and Transphobia, too!
Remember! Whether you’re sailing the high seas or lubbing on land, pirates fly their flags with pride! 🏴☠🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈!!!
Continue reading “Queer Catboy Pirates”
“What do you mean my parentage is ‘in dispute’?!” Lord Glorfindel laughed.
“You’re the only named member of your house,” Umbarto said, wagging his tail like a dog. He was a skin-changer. Currently, he was a fox with bluish-black fur and green eyes.
“Our house,” he said. This was his boy now. He didn’t need Maglor or any of those kin-slayers. He just needed him: his father! If it was easier for him to be a fox than a person, he could be a fox.
Continue reading “Focus, Little Fox!”
So, HFE, what’s on your Patreon nowadays?
I’m glad you asked~!
Continue reading “Patreon Round-Up: April 2022”
“Child,” the lord of Lórien spoke with a voice that was as grimly firm as his face. “You need a home. That is all anybody needs to know. And you are correct, you are absurd for even worrying about being ‘adopted out of wedlock’.” He chuckled as he gathered the poor child into his arms. He was the clingiest kitten Lord Celeborn had ever seen, rather justifiably. He had less than an inch of black hair on him, and his eyes were emeralds that were shining with the first polish they’d been given in years.
Continue reading “Silver Papa Wolves”
Fair warning: minor mention of suicide and self-harm. Major warning for death and mental health.
Wolfram Tungsten: a village in a land that’s cold enough to have icebergs amble along the coastlines regularly. The nights are long, and the days are short. Its people see twilight more often than daylight. There are ribbons of light that dance in the sky: auroras. The greatest of these is called Bliza’s Serpent, in honor of the Redanian goddess of cold magic. The continent it’s on was called Bronzewood until Tonitus’s brats, the Elves, conquered it and renamed it Claude-Anne Allen. Bliza has cursed the Redanian Elves to this day.
“If you want my lands so badly, keep them!” she said. “But you will never see your ancestral home ever again!”
And Tonitus let her do it.
Continue reading “Wolfram Tungsten (Draft)”
hello, everyone, to another attempt to start pokemon of the rings!
there’ve been some developments since the last stream. thoughts. long story short: the trainer’s gonna be a formerly? human boy named mike emerald who only speaks 4-5 words at a time, like most pokemon game avatars do. mike, just as i have, has championed just about every region except sword & shield. he was amidst his galaran finals when something happened and now he’s here? something like that. basically, this story’s running on Rule of Funny and Rule of Cool + family drama. let’s just say, lord glorfy’s got baaaad memories of the last person in his care running off into the woods. storytelling over! let’s fucking go!
Continue reading “Pokémon of the Rings: Golden Rescue Team (Draft)”
Fair warning: there is a mention of rape in Shadow of Chaos’ segment. In the form of “Malog Bal’s a rapist, let’s kill him!” And thus, a rapist was killed. Also just a reminder to myself and the audience that the “I” in a story doesn’t always mean the author.
In Skyrim, anyone declared the Dovahkiin can learn how to slay dragons! Dovahkiin is Dovah for “dragon hunter born” or “dragon hunter child”. Dovah is the language of dragons. Their language is powerful too. You have to read a word and slay a dragon in order to use it. The Men and Mer (Elves) there call it Shouting.
Apologies, Ardan Dwarves, but the Skyrim Dwarves are extinct. The good news is, the Skyrim Dwarves are actually Elves! Their official name is Dwemer (Deep Elves). They’re called Dwarves because they were known for fighting Giants: simpler people whose Mammoths (furry Mûmakil / Oliphaunts) left others alone if others left them alone. Giants are known for batting Dovakiin into the sky. It’s awesome!
Continue reading “Shenanigans in Skyrim (Draft)”
Want a game you can theoretically play in the Halls of Mandos: a place where you have no possessions at all? All you need is your soul, your stories, and names with meaning. It takes these bitches a billion years to decide to send anybody back to Middle-Earth, never mind the ones they decide, “No! You’re staying in there!” You need something to do in there, and I need money. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it allows people to actually pursue their passions, such as writing silly essays about Lord of the Rings, Pokémon, and other nerdy things.
Then head on over to Patreon! $5 to unlock this game. For the rest of you, beyond this point lies a discussion of death. And just to review, Námo / Mandos is the guy in charge of Ardan / Middle-Earth hell: The Halls of Mandos.
Continue reading “Sparking Attention”
The main team I’m going with for my Pokémon / Lord of the Rings crossover. I need to remember that this is a passion project that I’ll never get paid for. I need to stop thinking so hard. This is supposed to be funny!
Continue reading “Red Rebels”